Cider Mill Press

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Finally, we all have a good excuse! This definitive guide covers the entire gambit of self-justifications, so everyone from the frustrated CEO to the mid-level executive, from the soccer mom to the lazy student can convincingly say: It’s not MY fault! Discover brand new, impeccable excuses for being absent when you should have been present, arriving late, missing the deadline, flunking the class, slacking on the job, consuming too much junk food, and lots more. Plus, there are great ideas straight from the rich and shameless and a list of monosyllabic excuses for those who can’t be bothered to tell a whopper. Best of all, the book has a devious reversible cover so you can carry it anywhere and always have a lie at hand!

Lou Harry is a magazine editor and the author of more than a dozen books, which have sold more than 750,000 copies. His hits include the Voodoo Kit, Mini Voodoo, Love Voodoo, Voodoo Lou’s Executive Office Voodoo, and numerous other laugh-out-loud titles.

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One of TV’s top shows inspires a sly and witty handbook! Why should Hollywood stars be the only ones who have an entourage? With the help of this fun, humorous guide — written in the spirit of the award-winning HBO show — anyone can have a posse of devoted followers. Find out what the celebrities already know: how to select members of your crew; define their roles and responsibilities; add and get rid of a person; travel with the group; handle the economics; and even choose an heir when you’re ready to move on. TV and film-based sidebars present clever lessons drawn from such series as Star Trek (how to turn differences among the group into an asset) and Seinfeld (what mistakes entourages commonly make). From sex and the entourage to the legalities of the entourage, everything you have to learn is right here!

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These ideas are SOCKS-sational!

It’s something we all can relate to: you open the dryer, match up your socks…and inevitably a few have mysteriously vanished into thin air. Where have they gone? We don’t know. But now once-happy pairs have become sad “singletons” with no purpose. Now, Cynthia Copeland—whose books regularly break sales records— comes to the rescue with a little gem of a book that gives new meaning to those left-behinds. Filled with Cynthia’s wonderful light-hearted illustrations, contains 200 surprising, clever, and fun uses for the remaining sock, along with humorous insights into where all these missing ones may have washed off to.

This will be a welcome gift book for anyone who’s ever done a load of laundry.

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Kids love witty, playful, and smart-mouthed put-downs as much as adults do—so following on the heels of our very successful Watch Out For the Idiot Behind Me! comes a screamingly funny new collection of 96 bumper stickers for the younger generation. It gets at the heart of everything that aggravates teens and tweens, from parents and teachers to cheerleaders and jocks.

All they have to do is put these hilarious bumper stickers on their books, lockers, bedroom doors, anywhere there’s a surface to decorate. With plenty of memorably nasty (and side-splitting!) sayings to choose from, they’re sure to find just the right sticker to express both their exasperation and their sense of humor. It’s the perfect way to talk back! (And if a teen’s mood changes, as it’s apt to do, these are all removeable.)

Stick these LOL lines on!

• If it’s too loud, you’re too old
• Age is a high price to pay for maturity
• It’s been lovely, but I have to SCREAM now!
• Where’s Hannibal Lecter when you need him?
• Saturday has a morning?
• I have not yet begun to procrastinate
• Reduce greenhouse gases: don’t exhale

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All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy … so why shouldn’t we have some fun on the job, too? This outrageously humorous book challenges every one of us to get creative — and bold, and maybe even a little crazy — at the office with “dares” that entertain and provoke co-workers. And depending on exactly how daring you’re willing to be, you can earn big points! For example, gasping dramatically every time the elevator doors open earns only a single point. Paging yourself on the intercom merits three. But for the big numbers, stride into the office of the busiest person around and turn the lights on and off 10 times; that’ll net you a whopping FIVE.

The workplace will never be the same again … and everyone will thank you for it!

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Ticket to ‘em!

Take the law into your own hands! Packaged to look like a real citation book, Violation! finally gives us all a way to punish those everyday idiots who make life so annoying. It consists of a collection of imitation “parking” tickets, printed on realistic cardstock and easily removable, that look just like the ones police officers issue — except they all feature humorous takes on common transgressions such as taking up two parking spaces, leaving the toilet seat up, or not clearing the paper jam in the copier. Each ticket includes fines, penalties, and appropriate insults, and can even be mailed — which is especially useful when you don’t care to come face-to-face with the troublemaker. It gets the point across in a way that’s funny, direct, and unforgettable.

There’s a ticket for every offense!

• VEHICULAR VIOLATIONS
• WORKPLACE OFFENSES
• INTERPERSONAL SCREW-UPS
• AT-HOME TRANSGRESSIONS
• INFRACTIONS BOTH PUBLIC AND PRIVATE

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Until now, there just hasn’t been a book that passes down the inside information that everyone really needs and wants — namely, how to make marvelous mischief. Before now, the only way to learn rule-breaking behavior was to go directly to the expert pranksters and hope they’d reveal their secrets.

But now it’s easy to commit random and silly acts of stupidity: Just flip through this hilarious, idea-packed guide to everything naughty and disruptive! Warning! Don’t Try This at Home shows you exactly how to shortsheet a bed, fake a UFO photo, stack a poker deck, light your own farts, drag race in the streets, cook up moonshine, and much more!

Of course, no one advocates actually doing these things (especially the illegal ones), but if you’re going to go ahead and be a jacka** anyway, why look like an amateur? There’s nothing more embarrassing than bungling your trick. And now you won’t!

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There’s so much in this world to aggravate us, and this book of bumper stickers — one per page, to peel off — is the perfect way to talk back. Put them on cars, desks, lockers, dorm rooms, anywhere there’s a surface: with plenty of memorably nasty (and funny!) sayings to choose from, you’re sure to find just the right insult to express both road and off-road rage. The topics range from rotten driving to sex, with such lines as: That’s not a haircut, it’s a cry for help and Stupidity is not a crime; you are free to go. Best of all, it’s an incredible value, with 96 stickers at only $14.95!

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INSOMNIACS UNITE!

You have only your sleep to lose...and the world to gain. Insomniacs—this manifesto’s for YOU! Doesn’t sleeping through a third of life sound like a colossal waste? After all, while everybody else is snoozing, you can be doing—writing a great book, painting a masterpiece, running a country, changing history with a revolutionary invention, and who knows what else? That’s exactly how such celebrated insomniacs as Winston Churchill, Marlene Dietrich, Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin, Vincent Van Gogh, Groucho Marx, Marcel Proust, Theodore Roosevelt, and Mark Twain made their mark on our world. And they’re only a few of the many who didn’t spend time dreaming, but turning impressive ideas into reality by staying awake.

This uniquely humorous approach to the subject explains exactly what insomnia is, reviews and debunks myths on the importance of getting a full night’s sleep, and introduces famous insomniacs through history. And it’s an attractive volume, with gold foil and an eye-catching cover. So drink that cup of coffee, stop counting those sheep, and get a jump start on everyone else by using those extra hours to read this book...and accomplish amazing things.